They loved each other so much, that they decided to have a baby, it took them nine months, and baby Dean came in their lives. All the love they possessed went to him, and they did everything they could to make him feel safe, happy and loved. He felt all that love, although he didn’t actually know what that was, he just had a good feeling and he enjoyed the sound of his parent’s voices and the warmth surrounding him when they were close. He was just eight months old when he felt the need to show his mother how much he loved her, so he called her “mom” for the first time. A few weeks later he told that to his father as well, calling him “daddy”. What greater feeling can there be for a parent?
As time passed, things became unclear at one stage and he started feeling certain things when he met Carla on the playground and in the park. It was like happiness was there all the time and he felt the need to smile and be close to her, although he couldn’t actually explain what that was. He cried when Carla played with another boy and didn’t look at him anymore, it felt wrong and he felt angry about that, he was jealous but he didn’t know it yet. That was his first disappointment of many others to come.
He went to preschool and met other girls there, but he compared some of them to Carla, and none was like that, until he saw one of the teachers there, Zoey, and he felt the need to pay attention to everything she was teaching him. He shared food with her and just wanted to be the perfect kid, just to get her attention and feel important. Zoey didn’t know what he felt because he couldn’t tell her anything, he knew it was not good, because she was different than him, she was taller and she knew more words and was able to come to preschool alone, without her parents, so she was “cool”.
Preschool was over and school started; new kids, new teachers and new events happening. He started learning how to write and read, he learned maths and all sorts of interesting things that made his life brighter. He was sitting every day beside a nice little girl, with curly hair and big blue eyes. Her name was Michelle. Even her name was perfect, as her voice and her smile were. There was something in the way she payed attention to him and in the way she helped him, definitely made him feel important and awesome. Then one day he decided it would be ok to tell her that he feels he loves her, because he heard his father tell that to his mother, and he believed that would be something important to share and tell someone. He was holding her hand and with the prettiest smile ever he told her “I love you”. His first important moment in life, but she started laughing and ran away. He felt sick, he was heartbroken and he didn’t know what went wrong there.
He decided not to say that anymore, to anyone. Years passed and he would be just playing football, do his homework and play with the boys, and would not go near girls, although some of them would just try to talk to him and be nice to him (he was actually really good looking).
He turned 16, and they had a huge party for him, and some of the neighbours came, with their kids. There was one girl there, Sandra, she just left him breathless, and he couldn’t explain what was happening. His knees just started to shake and he had butterflies in his stomach, the only thing he wanted was to kiss her just there and then.
They talked and got to know each other better, and soon they had their first kiss, they were really happy together. Going to school every day, coming back home, being together all the time. Eventually they made love and it was the first time for both of them, and they knew that was love and that was exactly how that was supposed to feel. Years passed and college came. They were going to different places, and eventually their relationship started to have problems, because they were spending more and more time apart, so they had to break up. They were both destroyed, but it was the only thing they could actually do, in order to stop all the fighting and all the bad things that were going on between them.
Dean went on with his life, studied hard and became a brilliant doctor. He didn’t hear anything about Sandra anymore and the pain kind of went away, in time. He had a few flings and slept with other girls, he just didn’t get attached to any of them. He just went on with his life without feeling the need to say “I love you” to any girl or woman, except his own mother.
He turned 35, and he was sent to another city, to work in a hospital, then something clicked in his life. He met a woman, she was an intern there, pretty shy and the kind that others would call a geek, because she always had her nose in books, and she always knew the right answer to every question the doctors might have had.
He just had to have her close and be there with her. And as time passed, he realised that the girl was interested as well, so he asked her out for dinner. They enjoyed their time together and they started dating. Things were just following their course and they felt happy, and decided to get married. It was the only moment in his life when he actually felt that he was doing the right thing with his life. He told Cynthia “I love you” a million times and he never had second thoughts about it, he just felt it, with all his heart.
Things would probably go from bad, to good and better at some point, right?
The only thing here is that life isn’t perfect, and although we need love every day, and we feel the need to express the love, sometimes it is just not right. On their wedding day, he just felt that he cannot go through with everything and told her that he can’t marry her. He didn’t even feel heartbroken; he just thought that because he didn’t have the same feelings about her, he had to stop what was happening, in order to spare the disappointment that would eventually come later.
He felt lonely after that, but he couldn’t go chasing another dream. I don’t know what has happened with his life, because I haven’t decided yet, maybe he’ll meet someone, someday, because we all feel the need to have someone close, to share feelings, moments and emotions.
Love is the main thing that gets things done, so let’s just hope that we make the right decisions in order to be happy and feel those butterflies and feel that the world is better just because we are not alone when we have to face all the bad things happening on this planet.
Maybe Dean will find his love one day or maybe not, only time can tell…