First time I’ve fallen in love I was about five years old, I absolutely loved Bryan Adams. I listened to his songs on and on, and I believed they are all for me. I had quite an imagination back then.
I went to school when I turned seven, and I found out that my love for Bryan Adams wasn’t quite what love should be, because I fell in love again, with a boy in my class. I still remember exactly who he was and why I liked him, back then. He never knew about my crush for him, but it was something that stuck with me for the rest of primary and secondary school.
Later on, different other feelings developed and love took a different form, when I held the boy’s hand and went to the movies together – although we had six other people with us, the simple fact that he stood beside me, made me extremely happy. It made me proud to be close to him and made me realize how lucky I was that he liked me too, although we were too shy to talk about it directly. I suppose he remembers all these things as well, because it was part of our growing up process and it was the cutest thing, to discover all the feelings step by step.
There were parties, where we would dance and play different games, and the simple glance of “the boy” would make me happy. We slow danced once, because he invited me, and it was the best feeling in the world, just to have him hold me close. We played spin the bottle and “truth or dare”, but we never got the chance to kiss, I assume it wasn’t meant to happen, because life had other things ready for me.
Primary and secondary school finished and highschool started. That was a totally different story. All the shyness and emotions from the previous years faded away and confidence and competition came along. It was always some sort of a contest, to make sure you are the best and you stand out. So, dating the “rebel” of the school was a bit of a shock for everyone, especially because I was “as shy as a person could be”.
That was my very first actual love, I felt safe, cared for and beautiful. Of course, while in highshool, gossip is a thing that just happens, so the relationship ended in a weird way, I don’t really remember how it happened, but I know it left a pretty big scar, and a lot of tears for a long period of time. Thank God that period ended and summer holiday started right after that.
I left my home town and spent the summer at my cousin’s house and there I met amazing people, who helped me rebuild my confidence and become more aware of my strengths and weaknesses. I made friends for life there, and of course, I fell in love again, although the guy didn’t know it, until I left the city, because I sent him a letter and we decided to meet again, for the winter holiday. We both knew that the distance and the fact that we wanted different things from our lives wouldn’t help our relationship.
I think that was the first time I was heart-broken, because after the winter holiday, when I was on the train, on my way back home, I felt something really heavy on my heart and I actually felt like the pain will stick forever and I didn’t believe in love for a while. I was pretty confident that being single should be a thing that needs to happen to everyone, because I felt better knowing that I wouldn’t have to suffer any more.
College started, I was really happy with myself, no more heart problems and no more tears. New year came and I held a big party at my house. We had at least eighty people at that party, and there I met him. The one I believed was different than all the previous loves I had. I believed he was mature and confident, he was well able to understand the difference between family life and professional life and he understood how important my school and job were for me. He respected my life and I respected his.
We grew up together and we trusted each other, but things didn’t work out, because we realized that we weren’t heading in the right direction. He wanted to get married and have children, and I wasn’t really ready for that step and I didn’t actually believe in marriage back then.
We ended the romance and we stayed friends, because we knew we were part of each other’s lives and we knew how important friendships are. I really believe that being mature enough makes you understand the difference between relationships and feelings.
It is just a matter of knowing what you’re dealing with and understanding how you can live your life in the best way possible, without hurting the person beside you.
It is not easy to talk about past relationships, because people will always wonder what happened or they will always suspect that one person whom they’ve seen you with must have been your lover at one stage, and it is hard to explain how some people are just friends. It is hard to understand how there’s no physical or emotional attraction between two people. There can be only a cultural, or intellectual relationship, there can only be a safe and cosy relationship, based on years and years of being together, but that doesn’t mean there’s more…
It is easy to judge and not think about how the heart actually works. So, the relationships I’ve mentioned are the ones that made me grow and realize how much love I can actually give. I get attached to people very easily and I give 100% and make sure I can help and be there whenever my friends need me.
Sometimes, when some relationships ended, I actually felt like I didn’t have any more love to give, but then, I realized that love regenerates and all the bad things are left outside, only to leave room for all the fantastic sides of what will come.
So, the moment I was happy with myself, the moment I realized that I was the most important person in my life and I didn’t try to make everyone else happy, I managed to control my life again. In that moment, the Universe has brought me the greatest love of all.
I had to travel a bit, let’s just consider the distance as a small price to pay, to find my one true love. The one that actually lasts for a lifetime. This is not a fairy tale and this is not a make-belief story. This has actually happened to me and I just have to say that it is the best discovery of my life.
Once you reach a certain maturity and once you realize how much you can offer, there comes along a person who understand who you are and they know exactly what kind of love you need. And it clicks and it stays there, creating a strong bond. And that’s when I knew I wanted to be his wife… the moment he first looked into my eyes, I could actually picture myself beside him, growing old with him and having children with him. I’ve never felt that before and I am extremely grateful that I’ve passed all those steps, just to find my one true love.
Just remember, no matter how much you suffered or suffer, your heart will always regenerate and make you able to love again. Your heart has a way of knowing when you need to meet the perfect person for your maturity level and the heart knows who is your one!